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94 years of life

My great grandma passed away yesterday.  She left this world with a loud sigh, says the nurse that was watching over her.  My mom had called my phone 3 times and Matt's 2.  Both phones were in the living room.  Around 7am, I got out of bed to feed a fussy, hungry, Emmalyn.  Matt cam into the living and as usual, check his phone.  He told me my mom had called.  He checked his phone and she had called him too. 
I instantly knew.
My mom answered in one call.  Another clue.  She told me that Abuelita passed around 2am. I had gone to sleep at 2:30am Utah time.  When I hung up I told Matt.  At first I was fine, and then the tears came.

But my feelings are bittersweet.  That is the only way I can really describe what I feel.  When I saw my abuelita the week before, she did not look comfortable.  She could no longer speak, for reasons I am not sure of.  She opened her eyes once when I began speaking to her. I didn't even know what to say.  So I would tell you about what we were going to do. Then it occurred to me that I didn't want to make her feel bad that we were going to leave and do all these things that she couldn't do and so I was tongue tied. I rubbed her arm instead and scratched her head like how I like it.  I love when people play with my hair.

We visited with her a lot over the week.  I am not going to lie; it was hard for me.  It was a lot to take in emotionally.  To see her just lay there not being able to do anything for herself. I remember thinking how much I wanted Heavenly Father to take her.  I know that if she were gone from this world, she would be so much happier.  So when my mom told me what had happened, a part of me was reliefed, but then the other part was sad.

We left thursday morning. Wednesday was such a blur.  So many things happened.  We didn't visit my grandma.  I didn't take the time to go and visit her.  I watched movies instead.

I feel guilty and sad that I didn't get to see her one last time. It's almost eating me up inside.


Excuse me while I kiss the Sky
Know Your Faith

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